Andrew Biss
Playwright
One Act Plays

Dedication

2M Approx. 15 minutes

Synopsis: 

A grief-stricken father belatedly pays his respects at his son’s gravesite and soon finds himself drawn into an argument over the reason why he lost his child in the first place.

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The Joneses

1M/1F Approx. 15 minutes

Synopsis:

Mr. and Mrs. Jones’ zealous desire to be seen as doyens of the community leads them to undertake a misguided mission that rapidly spirals out of control. However, in spite of the grim realities that now confront them, they remain stalwart in their pursuit of a higher social standing. But is that really the smell of victory in the air…or did things just get a little too hot to handle?

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Indigenous Peoples

1M/1F Approx. 20 minutes

Synopsis:

Over a bottle of wine, Roger and Caroline embark upon an awkward discussion regarding the lack of intimacy in their relationships with others. Later, as nature calls, Caroline's fear of being overheard while relieving herself compels her to venture further afield in search of a more private area in which to avail herself. Terror strikes, however, when she is convinced that she's been bitten by a snake – also in a private area. Too far from help, Roger attempts to remove the venom in the only way he knows how, sending Caroline reeling from desperation to exultation, and inadvertently shifting their relationship to a level of intimacy that had once seemed unattainable.

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Cuthbert's Last Stand

2M/1F Approx. 25 minutes

Mrs. Pennington-South has succeeded in coercing a handsome young man – Tristram – back to her home to have tea with her and her ill-tempered son, Cuthbert. What the shy, rather awkward Tristram doesn't realise is that he is, in fact, being presented as a possible suitor for Cuthbert. His mother's matchmaking arrangements, however, have become increasingly intolerable for Cuthbert, and as the tea progresses and the intimations and pressures are ratcheted up, Cuthbert finally reaches breaking point. Exasperated and angry, he decides that the time has come at last to confront his mother with the shocking truth that he knows can only break her heart: the open admittance of his heterosexuality.

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Foreign Bodies

1M/1F Approx. 25 minutes

Victoria and Max have just arrived at their hotel ready to enjoy an exotic bargain-priced getaway. Unfortunately for them, between what they perceive to be marauding insects and wildly erratic weather patterns, their holiday soon becomes a far more hazardous endeavour than they’d anticipated. When a group of locals who they take to be traveling players appear on the scene, however, they at last begin to feel as though things are about to brighten up for them…and indeed they are.

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Cocktail Conversation

2M Approx. 15 minutes

Two young gay men, sitting at the bar of their usual haunt, observe and discuss their many past sexual conquests that come and go before them throughout the evening over a cocktail…and perhaps a drink.

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The Man Who Liked Dick

2M/1F Approx. 30 minutes

Douglas and Felicity have just thrown a small welcoming soiree for their new neighbours, Richard and his wife. Whilst Felicity couldn’t have been more appalled by their glaring lack of class and social status, Douglas finds himself rather taken by their humble lack of airs and graces. When Richard reappears on their doorstep, however, in search of a runaway cat, it soon transpires that first impressions aren’t always the ones that count.

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WYWH

1F Approx. 20 minutes

A reclusive, middle-aged divorcee, still haunted by the loss of her son, discovers a new life in the virtual world.

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Big Girl

1F Approx. 20 minutes

An overweight young woman appraises her recently purchased self-help book, “The Bigger the Better.”

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The Replica

1F Approx. 20 minutes

An abused wife reflects on her past and deconstructs the emergence of the replica that now haunts her present.

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The One-Eyed Guru

1M/1F Approx. 25 minutes

Jack and Rachel’s marriage of thirteen years has developed into one of predictable, if not inevitable, routine. On this particular night, however, Rachel has failed to return home at the usual time, abandoning Jack to the vagaries of his imagination. When she does finally appear – as much animated as she is apologetic – Jack’s limited forbearance and inherent cynicism are put to the test as Rachel begins to elaborate on a day spent in the company of a quixotic stranger.

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Public Relations

1M/1F Approx. 15 minutes

Tim and Sarah bump into each other on the street one ordinary afternoon. Tim is excited, not having seen Sarah in some time. Sarah is embarrassed since, try as she might, she cannot recall Tim's name, let alone where she knows him from, but struggles to maintain a facade of familiarity. As their conversation continues, Tim clearly conveying a very thorough knowledge of her and her family, Sarah decides to come clean and confess the truth of what she can and cannot recollect. Unfortunately for her, so does Tim.

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What's the Meta?

2 Any Age/Race/Gender Approx. 10 minutes

Two written parts await to be brought to life on a stage. One of them, however, is found to be mired in a crisis of self-worth due to the size and quality of their role. The larger, more developed part must then attempt to convince its smaller counterpart of just how necessary they both are to the production that is soon to begin, and of the true and indisputable collaborative nature of theatre.

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An Honest Mistake

1M/1F Approx. 15 minutes

Madge has long since surrendered herself to the verbal abuse doled out to her by her belligerent husband, Stan. On this particular evening, however, her fears of a rat beneath the floorboards, combined with her natural absent-mindedness, result in her dishing up Stan not only his evening meal – but also his just deserts!

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A Familiar Face

2F Approx. 25 minutes

Two elderly women, old friends, meet up in a London café shortly after one them – Dora – has been widowed. As Dora's grief and anger intensifies, her good friend Eydie begins to suspect there may be more to her angst than the loss of a loved one. When Dora calmly removes from her shopping bag a large glass jar containing a human head, discussions over its mysterious identity, and how it came to be lodged in the cupboard under her stairs lead to some startling revelations.

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A Slip of the Tongue

1M/1F Approx. 15 minutes

Miss Perkins, tired of the constant innuendos and sexual insinuations of her employer, Mr. Reams, has decided to hand in her notice. On this particular morning, however, Mr. Reams decides to take things one step further. Unfortunately, due to Miss Perkins’ nervous disposition and a telephone that rings at a disturbingly high pitch, he soon discovers he’s bitten off more than he can chew…or at least, one of them has.

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An Embarrassing Odour

1M/1F Approx. 15 minutes

Ethel, a widowed pensioner, sits down one evening to tackle her daily crossword puzzle. Suddenly her tranquil world is turned upside down when a burglar enters her home believing it to be unoccupied. As Ethel vainly attempts to forge a relationship with the violent delinquent before her, his concerns lie only with getting his hands on her valuables…that and the unpleasant smell that fills the room. What is that smell?

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A Stunning Confession

1M/1F Approx. 30 minutes

During an evening in front of the television a staid married couple suddenly find themselves having to confront a new reality.

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Degraded

1M/1F Approx. 15 minutes

A representative from the Department of Social Services pays a visit to a long-suffering battered wife. It soon becomes apparent, however, that this man is a far cry from the benevolent official he would have her believe.

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'Tis Pity He's a Whore

2M Approx. 20 minutes

Warren and Aldous are discovered in the aftermath of a sexual encounter the two have just had in Warren’s London bed-sit. Warren makes his living as a rent boy and Aldous is a regular client. All is well until Warren suggests meeting socially, as friends, outside of their established ‘business’ relationship. The ensuing scene reveals two people with startlingly different approaches not only to their own sexuality, but to life itself.

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